It’s interesting to me how anti-climactic the end of the year is when you’re not making an effort to celebrate the typical end of the year holidays. Most people reflect on their accomplishments or lack thereof as the year draws to an end and all I can really think of is how empty the house seems. Even with three people residing here, the lack of laughter, hell even crying is a constant reminder of the fact that time is not standing still and I am only getting older.
I could sit here and make a resolution to get pregnant but the truth is, that’s not really up to me or G-d as so many people like to say. G-d does not have a plan for me and even if he did, he’s a sadistic son-of-a-bitch and I’d rather not rely on him for anything. If I offended your religion, I won’t apologize because I’m offended when people think saying, “G-d has a plan for you.” is helpful. G-d can take his plan and shove it right up his ass for all I care.
The fact that people seem to be okay with a G-d dictating their lives is something I’ll never understand. While I may not be able to control everything, this infertility bullshit being one of them, I’d like to think that for the most part, where I go, what I do, and how I end up is mostly up to me. I’d like to think others would feel the same but apparently that’s not the case.
In any event, diagnostic treatment resumes again next month with a replenished FSA1 and HRA2, none of which will cover treatments 100% but at least it’s a start. In the meantime, I’m looking for a job and I’ve set up a GoFund Me account in hopes that we can get a few donations to offset some of the cost of treatment.
Eventually, if I’m not able to find a job within the field I have the skills for, I’ll probably fall back to customer service or technical support because at least it’s an income. I’m not above nor will I ever be above making minimum wage. Did I ever consider that I’d have to start over, given all my experience? No, but money is money and you do what you have to do.
In any event, if you’d like to donate to help with our treatments, I would sincerely and truly appreciate it. If I was certain we’d be able to afford the costs with my return to work, believe me I wouldn’t ask but I’m a realistic individual; even with me working full-time, there is just no way that we can afford all of this, how I wish we could.