I know that a lot of pregnant women complain and moan about being pregnant the further they get along in their pregnancy. I’d be a hypocrite if I said I wasn’t one of them. While, I am so thankful that we were able to get here and am so appreciative that IVF worked for us, I’m coming to find that pregnancy is no picnic, especially if you’re one of the women who run into complications (yay, me!). And for those who are struggling with infertility and hating my guts right now1, know that I have been there, know that I understand where you are coming from, but also know that while you may sit there and think pregnant women shouldn’t moan or bitch about being pregnant because there are others out there that would kill to be in their shoes, I ask you to take a step back because while yes, we are absolutely lucky, there are people in this world that think you, regardless of your infertility, are lucky too. There are families living on the streets with no food, no water, no roof over their heads that are thinking that you have no right to complain, moan, or bitch about your life because at least there is food in your mouth, a roof over your head, and a warm place for you to sleep.
We are each fighting our own battles and we have no more right to tell someone what they should and should not do or feel based on our circumstances.
Now, that I’ve gotten that bit out-of-the-way, I want to move on to what this post is really about. Because I am infertile and have done multiple cycles of IVF, I need a place to go where people can relate to what I am going through. I need to be able to ask questions and express my frustrations and pain with people who understand. Cue: Facebook Groups.
Admittedly, I’m not as active in them as others, namely because I’m fairly honest and don’t like to sugar coat, so it’s just easier for me to keep my mouth shut, then to speak out, but on occasion I do comment and posts, especially when people have questions about the things I’ve gone through myself.
Recently, I found out that in one of the groups I’m in, an IVF group centered around those due in Feb/March, one of the moms lost her baby at 33 weeks. My heart, in that instance, broke for her. To fight so hard to get to where she did and to come so close, well, I can say anyone who’s struggled with infertility, knows just how devastating that is. My heart aches for her and for the loss of her baby girl and it made me re-evaluate my feelings and position.
Right now, if anyone asked how I was feeling, I’d likely say I’m miserable. I’m uncomfortable, sleep deprived, achy, and just all around miserable. I feel like my body has been invaded by aliens AND yes, I DO know, at least I know now, that this is all part of the experience, but that doesn’t mean I have to like it.
Still, after hearing about her loss, I had to take a step back and appreciate how far I have come. I had to put aside my feelings of misery and recognize that I have taken the past 8 months for granted in one way or another. I had to appreciate being pregnant and appreciate the two little babies currently growing inside me, as they wait to make their debut into the world. I had to appreciate that even if I’m miserable and feel like an alien in my own body, all the poking, prodding, injections, sleepless nights, and complications are worth it, because at the end of the day, 9 months is nothing compared to a lifetime filled with love, laughter, and absolute amazement at the miracles of life that we have created.
I am lucky.
RIP Baby Sophia, you will never know just how much you were loved.
- I know there is bound to be some of you. ↩