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The Goombas had their 2 week well checkup today and things are looking well. Tiberius weighed in at 6.5lbs and Tempe weighed in at 5.3lbs, so they are gaining weight like they should be. Their pediatrician was very happy to see their progress and when I mentioned I was exclusively pumping, she was very supportive and didn’t give me any push back. In fact, she recommends I try pumping every 4 hours during the early hours of the morning so I can get more sleep, and while I’d love to take her up on her offer, until my supply is established, I think it best if I stick to every 3 hours. She did say that I still have some time to build my supply and stated I was doing everything I should be doing. That little validation goes a long way, especially when the last thing I want to do is get up at 3am to pump.
The other day I meant to post the temporary character I created for the half hour that I played the close beta for Black Desert Online. Their character creation system is ridiculous, both in a good and bad way. Good, because there are so many potential options that you really can make a character that is unique and bad in the sense that there are too many options, especially if you’re just starting out with the game and you’re not familiar with how their character creation works. Still, compared to a lot of the other games out there, the customization options blow the rest out of the water and thankfully, they have a standalone character creation program so you can tweak your character and learn the different options available so you’re not spending ALL your time during launch, working on the kinks and specifics when all you want to do is play.
I doubt I’ll have much time to really play and invest in the game but it’s still neat to see how far things have progressed in the world of MMOs. Hopefully, in a few months I’ll have the time to dedicate to it, but for now, I leave you with a few images of my temporary character. If you’re impressed, be sure to check out the game!
Life lately has been all about pumping. I’m pumping every two hours during the day and then every 3 hours at night all in an effort to increase my supply. Basically my life is either babies or breasts, breasts, breasts and not in the good way. Sorry, fellows.
Still despite how tiring it is and how little sleep I am getting, I am noticing an increase in what I’m yielding each day and that helps to keep me going. Some days, I just want to say screw it, I’d rather sleep but I know ultimately this is going to save us money in the long run and we don’t have the luxury right now to be frivolous with money, especially when it helps us to save.
R is feeling the pressure of getting a job every day and I wish there was something I could do to help and console him. I know it’s killing him and I hate seeing him this way but it’s not like he isn’t trying. He’s submitting job applications every day and talking and meeting with people both in person and on the phone without results and it’s draining him. I see it and I hate that I can’t do anything to make it better. I just keep hoping and praying that the next day will be the day but that will only go so far. Worst case scenario is we take on a roommate to help offset the mortgage while he’s looking and of course I should be expecting some pay with maternity leave, though it’s not nearly enough to support us. I really need to start picking up some freelancing gigs so I can offset some of the costs of our bills, even it just covers small things, I think it will go a long way.
I’m also looking at changing my hosting. Right now I’m on a dedicated server and have been for years. While, I love the options it affords, it’s money that can be spent elsewhere. I haven’t yet broached the topic with R yet because I know it’ll upset him. He’ll tell me I should keep it but logically it just doesn’t make sense to. I mean, don’t get me wrong, it’d be a shame to have to say goodbye, but without help to offset the costs from other interested parties in having access to a dedicated server, it just doesn’t make sense for me to keep up with it, and while that sucks, supporting our family is much more important. I’ll talk to him about it tonight and see what he has to say, though as I said, I have a good idea of what that is going to be.
Despite all the stress, the job hunt is causing, I am still so in love with our family. He thinks that I just say we will be okay just to say it, but somehow deep down, I do truly believe it. Everything happens for a reason, we’re just waiting to find out what.
The pumping schedule and the lack of sleep are definitely catching up to me, even with R trying his best to handle everything1, the change in my handling the kids out night and then handing them off in the morning has thrown me for a loop. I know he means well and he’s trying to make sure I get enough sleep but he’s neglecting his body’s need for it and trying to supplement with energy drinks, which obviously isn’t healthy. We talked today and I told him that I’d honestly prefer he sleep through the night and then take over in the morning and let me sleep. Regardless, I’m up at night when the babies need to be fed to pump right after so it’s not like my sleep isn’t interrupted. Still, the gesture, the fact that he cares so much about trying to make sure I get enough rest blows my breath away. I am so, so blessed.
I sat down and talked to him today and told him while I do appreciate what he’s trying to do, he needs to rest just as much as the rest of us. I also mentioned that he needs to stop with the energy drinks as it’s likely not good for his heart AND I’d really like to avoid a hospital admission for him this year. Thankfully, logic won over and he saw where I was coming from so tonight I will go back to dealing with the babies and let him sleep and he’ll take over during the day. Obviously, this is rough and less than ideal as it means our ability to spend time together becomes non-existent but I suppose that’s what parenthood is all about. Here’s to hoping, their able to sleep through the night by 4 months like Alecia’s little girl, but we will have to see.
Today, I forced myself to do something other than pump, sleep, and take care of the babies. I have access to the closed beta for Black Desert Online, which admittedly I didn’t really get to play much of. I logged on today and created a character and ran around for about 30 minutes before logging off to pump and then grab a screaming baby, but to me that’s something. I did something for me and it felt good to do it, though admittedly I felt a little guilty doing so2, but I am still so very proud of myself. Hopefully, if I can do just a little something for myself every day, it’ll go a long way as we make the adjustment from newborns to babies.
I’m really trying to take the advice that Jada Pinkett Smith gave on her roles as a wife and mom to heart but it’s HARD. It’s so, so HARD. I just have to keep telling myself, every day, that I’m doing a good job, especially on the hard days. I may not always believe it but if I tell myself I am, that may just be enough to make a difference, right?
Last night, R decided to try to let me sleep through the night by waking up every time Tempe got up. It was a really sweet gesture and while I was still tired in the morning, because ignoring a baby cry isn’t something moms are good at doing, I wasn’t tired, tired. He on the other hand was exhausted so when I got up, I took Tempe and let him sleep for a solid few hours. He wasn’t happy about it but he needed it. He doesn’t deal with sleep deprivation as well as I do. I suppose that’s a mom thing as well.
I ended up not being able to pump right at the 2 hour mark because I was taking care of Tempe but decided I still wanted to keep on schedule so I pumped when I was able to and then less than an hour after as that’s when I would have been due to pump again. Surprisingly, I got more milk then I ever have and I had 3 let downs! To say that I was excited is an understatement. I feel like there’s so progress and maybe an end in sight, but I’m still trying to keep things realistic.
Now, I’m sitting here with my hands free pumping bra waiting for 10 minutes to go by so I can start pumping again. This is what is called power pumping. You pump for 10 minutes and then stop for 10 and then resume. It’s supposed to mimic cluster feeding and help with your supply. Thus far, I’m not getting much out and I’m trying not to be discouraged. I got quite a bit out the last round so I’m hoping it just means it’s going to signal my body to produce even more milk.
Now the hard part: sticking to my guns with their pediatrician on Tuesday with my decision to exclusively pump. It’s not that she’s bully me, though at times it seems that way, but I think I’m just apprehensive because it’s my babies’ doctor telling me I should be doing this when instead I’m doing something else entirely. Still, I think this is the best choice for us and I refuse to let anyone bully me out of changing my decision.
Wish me luck.