Monthly Archives: March 2016

The Unscalable Wall Or So It Seems

The Unscalable Wall Or So It Seems

Well the pumping had been going well. I was getting an extra 1-1.5 ounces each day but now I feel like I’m plateauing and that makes me sad, especially since it’s no where near what I need to feed both babies, let alone one. I’m taking the supplements, pumping at least 8 times a day and it seems like I’m stuck and I’m wondering if I need to go back to pumping at least 12 times a day which would mean the little sleep I am getting would cease to exist. I am so disheartened because I was making so much progress and now it seems I am stuck. quotescover-JPG-48 I’m hoping the ladies in a group I’m in on FB will be able to give me some suggestions or will tell me that this is normal and then production picks up. If it doesn’t, I don’t know what I’ll do. I’ll likely go at least 6 weeks but if I’m still not seeing great output, I may have to re-evaluate my decision to continuing pumping. It’s already taking so much time from my family and if it’s not going to fully supply the sprats and we’re still going to have to supplement with formula, we’ll have to decide if it’s worth the time away from the family for the little I am able to provide.

Motherhood is hard, especially breastfeeding. You’d think something so natural would come easy but that’s not the case at all and I wish people were more vocal about it. I wish, that as woman, we were more supportive and more forthcoming about such vital information. I think it’d go a long way in making mothers, new and old, not feel like such failures if they’re not able to provide breast milk for their babies. If only, right?

I do know that once I’m in a better frame of mind, I will blog about my struggles with breastfeeding and pumping because I think it’s my job to spread awareness. I mean at the least it might help someone else who’s a new mom facing the same struggle to know that she’s not alone and she’s not broken. It’s the least I can do.

Dear Future Self, A Reminder

Dear Future Self, A Reminder

I looked my kids today and realized how different their little hand sizes are from when they were born and it made me sad. They’re already growing too fast and it’s crazy to think that in two days’ time, they’ll be 3 weeks old. 3 weeks, guys! 3 fucking weeks.

It’s funny how these weeks seem to have been the longest, yay sleep deprivation, and the shortest weeks of my life. I guess that’s what being a mother is like right? I never quite understood what my parents were talking about, as a child, when they would say we grow up to fast. I get it now, I do, and it sucks. I have no doubts I’m going to be a blubbering mess on their 1st birthday when I realize that holy shit, I’ve only got 17 years left where they are truly my responsibility, as least where the law is concerned. Why did no one warn me about this part? blogger-image--1748668960

I’m sure there will be days, weeks, or months when I’m ready to stab myself in the face due to the frustrations they will inevitably cause but for now, for now, I look at them and realize just how much they have grown in the 3 short weeks since they’ve greeted the world. For now, I look at my babies and I see 5 years pass by in the blink of an eye, and I have to remember to cherish every moment, even the ones where I want to tear out my hair and breakdown and cry.

For now, I’m asking you, my dear readers, to remind to come back here and re-read this blog posts on the days when the twins are being twinados and I cannot deal. For now, I’m asking you to remind me that life is short, time is not on our side, and our kids, well, they really do grow up too fast.