Category Archives: Self Discovery

Story of My Life

Story of My Life

I’ve done an exceptionally good job of neglecting this blog, despite my promises to do better. life, as is usually the case, has bested me once again. I am also realizing that as much as the title of this domain suits me presently, and if I’m honest, likely always will, I feel this obnoxious need to create a brand and build up my audience and following. I am not sure why that is, I have never been interested in conforming to one standard before, and yet, here I am, struggling between staying lost in wonderland, or finding another name, another domain that is more suited for creating a brand and establishing a presence.

It is amusing for me to consider that in the days past, blogs and a person’s web design and layout spoke volumes of the individual they were. It went hand in hand with creativity and expression and now it seems so many are forcing themselves into square pegs, trying to keep their web designs simple, elegant, and classic. It is almost impossible, if not entirely to find a blog where the theme lends itself to its owner. Instead what I see, time after time, over and over again are themes that are designed to mimic so many others with only the logo and color palette to set itself apart from others, and therein is where my struggle lies.

I am a circle trying to force myself into a square peg and failing miserably at it.

Story of my life.

We All Have to Start Somewhere, Right?

We All Have to Start Somewhere, Right?

I had a somewhat decent blog post planned for the opening of Lost in Wonderland, only to have it succumb to the perils of my computer.

It was clever, honest, and somewhat witty, so much so, I am not even going to attempt to recreate it. Any attempts would be fruitless and frankly subpar, so instead I shall give that nice piece of literature a moment of silence and continue on with a much less interesting, much less exciting first post.

-pauses for effect to save-

It’s an odd situation to find yourself in when you feel as if you have too much and then nothing at all to say. I have spent the past several years of my life entertaining the notion that maybe one day it would all click and I wouldn’t sit here fruitlessly wondering when my lost muse would return.

The bitch never has.

Instead, I’m regulated to worrying that I may say too much or too little, be uninteresting and unimaginative, and find someway to make you, the reader, question what it is I am trying to accomplish.

Let me let you in on a little secret: I really don’t know.

Every year I resolve to be more open, more forthcoming, and more real with my blog posts, and every year I fail. I no longer know what it means to wear my heart on my sleeve, write without abandon and fear of judgement. Instead, I question every word I type, every sentence my fingers manage to spit out, while simultaneously pressing the delete key, thinking, “It’s not good enough.”

It never is.

I will make no promises this year about the things I will and will not do. I’ve found that I only end up disappointing myself and it is not fair to you, dear reader, to watch the continued tirade of a woman who’s not quite sure who she is or where she is going.

Do not mistake my present course in life as unhappiness. It isn’t. It’s where I think many people find themselves at some point in their life. I was just much slower getting here than most.

Let’s blame it on my parents, that usually works in most cases. Now more so, with the millennials’ introductions of microaggressions, triggering, and whatever other fodder they can get people to believe.

Now where was I again?

Oh right! It’s my parents’ fault.

Regardless of who’s fault it is, I am still here, in the present, trying to discover who I am and where I am going.

I can promise the ride will be bumpy and probably more unpleasant than your Aunt Eugene, BUT likely more interesting.

There will be pit stops, dark holes, and little bursts of sunshine. I might get turned around and find myself in places I’d never thought I’d be; whoa, whoa, whoa, not those places!

I’ll be bamboozled, terrified, and at times a little drunk… okay more of the time, a lot drunk. I cannot guarantee much but I can guarantee it’s likely to be one hell of a ride, so if you have nothing better to do, hop in the passenger seat and let’s see how far we can take this roller coaster I call my life.

Balancing Motherhood & Life

Balancing Motherhood & Life

My return to work, coupled with my new role as a mom has definitely impacted my ability or desire to blog on a regular basis. Other than family, my priority has been getting as much sleep as possible and I’ve been lucky that I have kids that make it easy to do so. Still, I think it’s high time that I get back on the bandwagon and reclaim some of the hobbies I’ve let collect dust as I adjusted to motherhood.

One of the options I am exploring is the possibility of changing domain names, though I am not sure to what. Of course I’ve had some reservations, namely because I’ve had this domain name for a while, but the idea of a fresh start, something new also appeals to me. motherhood

I’m also hoping to embark on something new that I’ve yet to disclose as I’m still working on refining the project and releasing it. If things go well, I am hoping that it will not only allow me to have more time for the sprats but also for the hobbies I’ve abandoned.

The sprats have been growing so quickly and while I adore seeing them learn and change, it also saddens me at how fast they’re growing. I feel like it cannot possibly be 9 months since I gave birth to them and yet here, we are. Tempe is crawling and exploring and Ty is not far behind her. It’s truly bittersweet and I’m sure not the last time in their lives that I’ll feel this way but it’s still depressing nonetheless.

Finding the balance between motherhood and the things I need personally has been challenging but it’s one that I hope to fully take on next year. As the kids grow, I find they’re not only a little more independent but also more interested in each other, and thus more easily entertained.

As the year draws to a close there’s a lot to think about but I am looking forward to the challenge of what the new year is sure to bring.