Tag Archives: 365DoB

Sometimes the Only Way Out is Through

Sometimes the Only Way Out is Through

As much as I wanted to stay committed to 365 Days of Blogging, I recognized that with two newborns it just wasn’t feasible. My last post, while true, Community is an awesome show, was simply filler and that’s when I decided it was time to stop trying to force myself to blog every day. I feel better for it and now I can focus on my family at night without feeling rushed into having to post a blog. I went a full 2 months blogging every day; blogging with substance every day so I call that a win in my book. Maybe next year, I’ll be able to stick to my goal but for now blogging every day is no longer a priority.

Exclusively pumping has been going well. My supply has been increasing every day, though I have changed my schedule from pumping every 2 hours to every 3, which means I lose one of my pumps during the day. I am monitoring it to see if it impacts my supply and if it does then I’ll have to go back to 2 hours a day. I’m really hoping that won’t be the case. It has been so nice today to go 3 hours between pump times but we’ll have to see. It also allowed me to spend some time with R during the day, who was really missing me so I’m crossing my fingers that the change won’t impact my supply. It would do wonders for all of us I’m sure. times

Speaking of wonders; I had a conversation with R the other day letting him know that he is going to have to be very understanding of my need to have my alone time, more so now than ever before. I not only have two babies that depend on me and need mommy but I also have a husband who’s always been very needy and clingy, and while that was fine when it was just the two of us, now, it’s really draining me emotionally and physically. I asked him not to be offended, just to understand that as an introvert, the way I recharge my batteries is by being by myself. I need the alone time to take care of me. I think he understood and if not, we can definitely discuss it further.

I’ve been thinking about life lately and I think I may end up going back into management. It’s not something I considered before, but given our present predicament, it’s something I have to consider for our family. I haven’t talked to R about it yet, namely because it’s just something I started to think about and also because I know he will consider it a personal failing on his part when it’s not. We are both equally responsible for providing for our family and as much as we both wanted to avoid the kids being raised by strangers, it’s a luxury we are no longer afforded so it’s time to put on the big girl panties, no matter how much it kills me to do it.

Maybe, I’m not such a terrible mom after all.

Community

Community

So this show has been recommended to us by my brother-in-law and we just got around to watching it tonight. It is HILARIOUS. We were seriously dying as we watched it, lol. For those who are wondering what it’s about:

A suspended lawyer is forced to enroll in a community college with an eclectic staff and student body.

There’s more to it then that but basically it makes fun of community colleges and the fact that no one really learns anything and it talks about the type of people in community college. It’s definitely worth watching if you haven’t and can be found on Hulu!

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If you do watch it, please let me know what you think.

I Think I Can, I Think I Can, I Think I Can

I Think I Can, I Think I Can, I Think I Can

I guess I was too quick in jumping the gun in regards to my supply issue. I guess I’m actually right on track to where I should be and my supply will continue to gradually grow as the weeks go on. This makes me feel A LOT better. I was contemplating giving up so I’m glad I asked the ladies in my exclusively pumping group for letting me know, I am doing what I should be doing and that my supply will continue to grow. It definitely makes the lack of sleep and the lack of real time to myself that much more worth it and today, I did see a much larger increase in my output. quotescover-JPG-12 I don’t know if this is because I’ve added a new supplement, Gaia Lactation pills or if it’s because I’m trying my best not to stress so much. Either way, I was surprised to see the increase as I thought it would be a marginal bump at best.

So right now the plan is to stay the course and continue with the way I am currently pumping but to throw in at least one power pump every 2-3 days to mimic a baby’s cluster feeding during a growth spurt. What makes this so hard is that I have two that I need to build my supply for instead of one but I am determined to make this work. I was hoping to potentially be a oversupplier so I could start to decrease my pumps per day but we will have to see what happens. What I do know is I need to stop obsessing over the numbers and just focus on the routine of pumping, minding the babies, and trying to get as much sleep as possible, though of course, all of that is much easier said than done.

At the end of the day though, I can only do so much so I have to focus on the strides I have made and let the rest fall into place. Here’s to hoping I can.

The Unscalable Wall Or So It Seems

The Unscalable Wall Or So It Seems

Well the pumping had been going well. I was getting an extra 1-1.5 ounces each day but now I feel like I’m plateauing and that makes me sad, especially since it’s no where near what I need to feed both babies, let alone one. I’m taking the supplements, pumping at least 8 times a day and it seems like I’m stuck and I’m wondering if I need to go back to pumping at least 12 times a day which would mean the little sleep I am getting would cease to exist. I am so disheartened because I was making so much progress and now it seems I am stuck. quotescover-JPG-48 I’m hoping the ladies in a group I’m in on FB will be able to give me some suggestions or will tell me that this is normal and then production picks up. If it doesn’t, I don’t know what I’ll do. I’ll likely go at least 6 weeks but if I’m still not seeing great output, I may have to re-evaluate my decision to continuing pumping. It’s already taking so much time from my family and if it’s not going to fully supply the sprats and we’re still going to have to supplement with formula, we’ll have to decide if it’s worth the time away from the family for the little I am able to provide.

Motherhood is hard, especially breastfeeding. You’d think something so natural would come easy but that’s not the case at all and I wish people were more vocal about it. I wish, that as woman, we were more supportive and more forthcoming about such vital information. I think it’d go a long way in making mothers, new and old, not feel like such failures if they’re not able to provide breast milk for their babies. If only, right?

I do know that once I’m in a better frame of mind, I will blog about my struggles with breastfeeding and pumping because I think it’s my job to spread awareness. I mean at the least it might help someone else who’s a new mom facing the same struggle to know that she’s not alone and she’s not broken. It’s the least I can do.

Dear Future Self, A Reminder

Dear Future Self, A Reminder

I looked my kids today and realized how different their little hand sizes are from when they were born and it made me sad. They’re already growing too fast and it’s crazy to think that in two days’ time, they’ll be 3 weeks old. 3 weeks, guys! 3 fucking weeks.

It’s funny how these weeks seem to have been the longest, yay sleep deprivation, and the shortest weeks of my life. I guess that’s what being a mother is like right? I never quite understood what my parents were talking about, as a child, when they would say we grow up to fast. I get it now, I do, and it sucks. I have no doubts I’m going to be a blubbering mess on their 1st birthday when I realize that holy shit, I’ve only got 17 years left where they are truly my responsibility, as least where the law is concerned. Why did no one warn me about this part? blogger-image--1748668960

I’m sure there will be days, weeks, or months when I’m ready to stab myself in the face due to the frustrations they will inevitably cause but for now, for now, I look at them and realize just how much they have grown in the 3 short weeks since they’ve greeted the world. For now, I look at my babies and I see 5 years pass by in the blink of an eye, and I have to remember to cherish every moment, even the ones where I want to tear out my hair and breakdown and cry.

For now, I’m asking you, my dear readers, to remind to come back here and re-read this blog posts on the days when the twins are being twinados and I cannot deal. For now, I’m asking you to remind me that life is short, time is not on our side, and our kids, well, they really do grow up too fast.