Tag Archives: breastfeeding

On Being Necessarily Selfish

On Being Necessarily Selfish

The past couple of weeks have been quite trying. It’s been a wonder that we’ve kept our sanity. Tempe has been having some really bad gas issues of late that it’s resulted in continued screaming, fussiness, and inability to sleep. For a time gas drops worked in soothing her but even that become ineffective and I finally gave in and scheduled an appointment with her pediatrician on Tuesday. In the meantime, we’ve pulled her off breast milk completely and she is currently on Gerber’s hypoallergenic formula, which seems to be helping, but then so did the gas drops so we’re not sure how long that will hold up. I’m hoping indefinitely and as she gets older, we can start to add breast milk back into her diet, but for now we will wait to see what the pediatrician will say.

On top of that, Ty seems to have developed thrush. It doesn’t seem to be bothering him, except he isn’t as willing to take his pacifier, but otherwise he appears fine. I have to call on Monday to see if thy can fit Ty in during Tempe’s exam so he can get a prescription for anti-fungal medication. He is also off breast milk for the time being since it’s an overabundance of antibodies that is causing thrush. Hopefully, we get them all settled in the coming week and their disposition approves.

sometimes-i-forget-putting-myself-first-isnt-being-selfish-quote-1 We are also currently in the midst of trying out a feeding schedule for the sprats. We’re still adjusting to make it work for us but once my mother-in-law leaves, that means we’ll have both babies at night and if they’re not on some sort of schedule that would leave us open to being up all night if one baby is consistently waking up while the other sleeps, or if they’re just waking up at different times from the other. So far it’s been challenging but we’re determined to make it work and stick with it. Funnily enough, I don’t have the “can’t stand to listen to a baby screaming” response, which I think is partly because I don’t have a choice, when there’s only one of us, one of them will have to cry as the other is being tended to.

Other than that, my life has essentially just been all about the babies. I’ve tried to take some time to myself but find it difficult to do so and feel guilty when I leave the tending to my mother-in-law and R. I think R and I should discuss times when he’ll have time to play and when I will, because as it stands he gets most of it and I start to feel a little resentful. It’s not his fault, he helps A LOT, but it happens nonetheless.

For those with partners, what did you find worked best for you when trying to balance your time alone, time together, and time spent taking care of the kids?

I Think I Can, I Think I Can, I Think I Can

I Think I Can, I Think I Can, I Think I Can

I guess I was too quick in jumping the gun in regards to my supply issue. I guess I’m actually right on track to where I should be and my supply will continue to gradually grow as the weeks go on. This makes me feel A LOT better. I was contemplating giving up so I’m glad I asked the ladies in my exclusively pumping group for letting me know, I am doing what I should be doing and that my supply will continue to grow. It definitely makes the lack of sleep and the lack of real time to myself that much more worth it and today, I did see a much larger increase in my output. quotescover-JPG-12 I don’t know if this is because I’ve added a new supplement, Gaia Lactation pills or if it’s because I’m trying my best not to stress so much. Either way, I was surprised to see the increase as I thought it would be a marginal bump at best.

So right now the plan is to stay the course and continue with the way I am currently pumping but to throw in at least one power pump every 2-3 days to mimic a baby’s cluster feeding during a growth spurt. What makes this so hard is that I have two that I need to build my supply for instead of one but I am determined to make this work. I was hoping to potentially be a oversupplier so I could start to decrease my pumps per day but we will have to see what happens. What I do know is I need to stop obsessing over the numbers and just focus on the routine of pumping, minding the babies, and trying to get as much sleep as possible, though of course, all of that is much easier said than done.

At the end of the day though, I can only do so much so I have to focus on the strides I have made and let the rest fall into place. Here’s to hoping I can.

The Unscalable Wall Or So It Seems

The Unscalable Wall Or So It Seems

Well the pumping had been going well. I was getting an extra 1-1.5 ounces each day but now I feel like I’m plateauing and that makes me sad, especially since it’s no where near what I need to feed both babies, let alone one. I’m taking the supplements, pumping at least 8 times a day and it seems like I’m stuck and I’m wondering if I need to go back to pumping at least 12 times a day which would mean the little sleep I am getting would cease to exist. I am so disheartened because I was making so much progress and now it seems I am stuck. quotescover-JPG-48 I’m hoping the ladies in a group I’m in on FB will be able to give me some suggestions or will tell me that this is normal and then production picks up. If it doesn’t, I don’t know what I’ll do. I’ll likely go at least 6 weeks but if I’m still not seeing great output, I may have to re-evaluate my decision to continuing pumping. It’s already taking so much time from my family and if it’s not going to fully supply the sprats and we’re still going to have to supplement with formula, we’ll have to decide if it’s worth the time away from the family for the little I am able to provide.

Motherhood is hard, especially breastfeeding. You’d think something so natural would come easy but that’s not the case at all and I wish people were more vocal about it. I wish, that as woman, we were more supportive and more forthcoming about such vital information. I think it’d go a long way in making mothers, new and old, not feel like such failures if they’re not able to provide breast milk for their babies. If only, right?

I do know that once I’m in a better frame of mind, I will blog about my struggles with breastfeeding and pumping because I think it’s my job to spread awareness. I mean at the least it might help someone else who’s a new mom facing the same struggle to know that she’s not alone and she’s not broken. It’s the least I can do.

Waiting On A Sign of Things to Come

Waiting On A Sign of Things to Come

Life lately has been all about pumping. I’m pumping every two hours during the day and then every 3 hours at night all in an effort to increase my supply. Basically my life is either babies or breasts, breasts, breasts and not in the good way. Sorry, fellows.

Still despite how tiring it is and how little sleep I am getting, I am noticing an increase in what I’m yielding each day and that helps to keep me going. Some days, I just want to say screw it, I’d rather sleep but I know ultimately this is going to save us money in the long run and we don’t have the luxury right now to be frivolous with money, especially when it helps us to save.

reasons R is feeling the pressure of getting a job every day and I wish there was something I could do to help and console him. I know it’s killing him and I hate seeing him this way but it’s not like he isn’t trying. He’s submitting job applications every day and talking and meeting with people both in person and on the phone without results and it’s draining him. I see it and I hate that I can’t do anything to make it better. I just keep hoping and praying that the next day will be the day but that will only go so far. Worst case scenario is we take on a roommate to help offset the mortgage while he’s looking and of course I should be expecting some pay with maternity leave, though it’s not nearly enough to support us. I really need to start picking up some freelancing gigs so I can offset some of the costs of our bills, even it just covers small things, I think it will go a long way.

I’m also looking at changing my hosting. Right now I’m on a dedicated server and have been for years. While, I love the options it affords, it’s money that can be spent elsewhere. I haven’t yet broached the topic with R yet because I know it’ll upset him. He’ll tell me I should keep it but logically it just doesn’t make sense to. I mean, don’t get me wrong, it’d be a shame to have to say goodbye, but without help to offset the costs from other interested parties in having access to a dedicated server, it just doesn’t make sense for me to keep up with it, and while that sucks, supporting our family is much more important. I’ll talk to him about it tonight and see what he has to say, though as I said, I have a good idea of what that is going to be.

Despite all the stress, the job hunt is causing, I am still so in love with our family. He thinks that I just say we will be okay just to say it, but somehow deep down, I do truly believe it. Everything happens for a reason, we’re just waiting to find out what.

A Light at The End of the Tunnel? Perhaps.

A Light at The End of the Tunnel? Perhaps.

Last night, R decided to try to let me sleep through the night by waking up every time Tempe got up. It was a really sweet gesture and while I was still tired in the morning, because ignoring a baby cry isn’t something moms are good at doing, I wasn’t tired, tired. He on the other hand was exhausted so when I got up, I took Tempe and let him sleep for a solid few hours. He wasn’t happy about it but he needed it. He doesn’t deal with sleep deprivation as well as I do. I suppose that’s a mom thing as well. Super Mom

I ended up not being able to pump right at the 2 hour mark because I was taking care of Tempe but decided I still wanted to keep on schedule so I pumped when I was able to and then less than an hour after as that’s when I would have been due to pump again. Surprisingly, I got more milk then I ever have and I had 3 let downs! To say that I was excited is an understatement. I feel like there’s so progress and maybe an end in sight, but I’m still trying to keep things realistic.

Now, I’m sitting here with my hands free pumping bra waiting for 10 minutes to go by so I can start pumping again. This is what is called power pumping. You pump for 10 minutes and then stop for 10 and then resume. It’s supposed to mimic cluster feeding and help with your supply. Thus far, I’m not getting much out and I’m trying not to be discouraged. I got quite a bit out the last round so I’m hoping it just means it’s going to signal my body to produce even more milk.

Now the hard part: sticking to my guns with their pediatrician on Tuesday with my decision to exclusively pump. It’s not that she’s bully me, though at times it seems that way, but I think I’m just apprehensive because it’s my babies’ doctor telling me I should be doing this when instead I’m doing something else entirely. Still, I think this is the best choice for us and I refuse to let anyone bully me out of changing my decision.

Wish me luck.