Life lately has been all about pumping. I’m pumping every two hours during the day and then every 3 hours at night all in an effort to increase my supply. Basically my life is either babies or breasts, breasts, breasts and not in the good way. Sorry, fellows.
Still despite how tiring it is and how little sleep I am getting, I am noticing an increase in what I’m yielding each day and that helps to keep me going. Some days, I just want to say screw it, I’d rather sleep but I know ultimately this is going to save us money in the long run and we don’t have the luxury right now to be frivolous with money, especially when it helps us to save.
R is feeling the pressure of getting a job every day and I wish there was something I could do to help and console him. I know it’s killing him and I hate seeing him this way but it’s not like he isn’t trying. He’s submitting job applications every day and talking and meeting with people both in person and on the phone without results and it’s draining him. I see it and I hate that I can’t do anything to make it better. I just keep hoping and praying that the next day will be the day but that will only go so far. Worst case scenario is we take on a roommate to help offset the mortgage while he’s looking and of course I should be expecting some pay with maternity leave, though it’s not nearly enough to support us. I really need to start picking up some freelancing gigs so I can offset some of the costs of our bills, even it just covers small things, I think it will go a long way.
I’m also looking at changing my hosting. Right now I’m on a dedicated server and have been for years. While, I love the options it affords, it’s money that can be spent elsewhere. I haven’t yet broached the topic with R yet because I know it’ll upset him. He’ll tell me I should keep it but logically it just doesn’t make sense to. I mean, don’t get me wrong, it’d be a shame to have to say goodbye, but without help to offset the costs from other interested parties in having access to a dedicated server, it just doesn’t make sense for me to keep up with it, and while that sucks, supporting our family is much more important. I’ll talk to him about it tonight and see what he has to say, though as I said, I have a good idea of what that is going to be.
Despite all the stress, the job hunt is causing, I am still so in love with our family. He thinks that I just say we will be okay just to say it, but somehow deep down, I do truly believe it. Everything happens for a reason, we’re just waiting to find out what.