Tag Archives: IUI

The Road So Far

It’s be quite sometime since I’ve posted anything in relation to anything infertility related. A large part of that was due to putting treatments on hold in 2014 due to some life changes. 1, being that I resumed working full time, which wasn’t without it’s advantage, my insurance covers some costs for treatment, and 2, purchasing our second home to prevent R from having a 500 mile commute every week for work. Add school work on top of that and treatments were just not high on the priority list.

On January 27, we went back to my RE for a re-consult and he of course gave us our options.

  • IUI
  • IVF

None of this was a surprise as we’d discussed all of this when we first consulted with him but he did stress that based on our history and no pregnancies in nearly 9 years of not actively protecting ourselves, he felt that IVF would be the smartest course. Neither R or I could disagree and so here I am on day 14 of birth control as we try to regulate my cycle before I start injecting myself with hormones to overstimulate my ovaries in the helps we can get a few eggs to fertilize and make for a 5 day transfer. My medication is due to arrival on the 18th and we have injection training on the 23rd in which we will be handing over a check for $6,825 dollars. Yes, you read that right, but let me just reiterate it for good measure

$6,825.

We’re hoping that we are successful in our attempts the first round but I know that nothing is certain. While this is something we both really want, we have to be realistic as well.. even if that realism threatens to break my heart. For now, we will see where this road leads us and take one day at a time, which for anyone who is fighting the same battle, knows that’s extremely hard to do. This journey is not only financially stressful but it’s also physically, mentally, and emotionally exhausting. I am trying my hardest not to fall into the pit of angry which is so easy to do when it feels like the whole world’s against you, but I know that there is every possibility I will fall down that hole, and I’m just hoping that I’ll have the strength to climb back out.

I guess, as with all things, time will tell.

Everything

I’ve been fairly absent other than the link up that’s being going on every Tuesday. Some of that is a result of decluttering and the other is just dealing with the journey we’re about to start.

In November, while infertility was a topic and a word that was thrown around, it still for the most part, wasn’t a reality. I left for Texas and was surrounded by my bestie and her kids and I didn’t really have to deal with that topic and all it encompassed. I haven’t quite gotten to the point where I can’t be around kids but I have a feeling the further we get into this journey, the harder it’s going to be to swallow the parents and the children that surround my family and friends. I’m happy for them, I wish them well, but I know that at the end of it all, I’ll look at my empty home and know something’s missing.

Well, now I’m back home and the reality of it all is just now sinking in, and despite my best efforts to act like I’m strong, unfazed, the truth is, there are days when I wonder why I even bother. I obviously fail at life so why am I here? What is my purpose?

I’ve started school which has helped to distract me and I’m actively seeking employment which while I know is the best thing because, 1, it’ll make treatments more affordable, and 2, it’ll give me another distraction, I also know it’s the worse thing because it means having to deal with my “bad days” in front of other people. It means having to smile and laugh when inside I’m dying.

I wish I could say I had it in me to be positive but the truth is, I don’t even have that. It’s going to cost us $1,000 per cycle for the cheapest assisted reproductive technology and the most effective is of course at least $15,000 if not more, depending on all that we need. I can’t even contemplate how we will even begin to afford this so I’ve built up a wall with the expectation that we won’t have kids—at least not if oral + IUI doesn’t work. It’s not what he wants but I have to be realistic. We have to be realistic.

I’ve grown up around disappointment. It’s been the reoccurring theme in my life, so really what’s one more?

It’s everything.