Tag Archives: treatments

And the Results Are…

I did a pretty good job of avoiding pregnancy tests prior to our first beta. In fact I was fairly calm this entire cycle and unlike what I expected, my anxiety remained very low. I’m not sure why but I suppose subconsciously I knew there wasn’t much else I could do. Either it worked or it didn’t.

Funnily enough the Sunday prior to the week we were to go in for our first beta my PC started to act up. It stopped booting and R was out so I couldn’t have him look at it. As a result, I got bored and decided to pee on a stick. At this point I was 5dp5dt but a very, very, very faint line appeared. In fact, I didn’t believe what I was seeing. I messaged Angela on FB and asked her if I was seeing things. She responded by saying she did see the line and for a few seconds I couldn’t breathe. I didn’t want to hope, it was still too soon but after that day, I started peeing on sticks two times a day and each time it came up positive, deep down, despite the fact I tried very hard to keep realistic expectations, I had hope.

The day our first beta test arrived, I was still pretty calm. All of my pregnancy tests were still coming up as positive but this was the day when I’d get a realistic idea of whether the pregnancy would be viable and the waiting was torture. I went into work that day which was a stupid move on my part1 and I get the call around 1:00pm from my doctor who confirmed I was in fact pregnant, but my beta HCG was at a 32 when ideally they’d have loved to see it at 40-50. Despite his reassurance that the first number generally didn’t mean anything and what they were ultimately looking for was the number to double every other day, I still ended up trying to fight back tears. The pessimist in me immediately jumped to worse case scenario and I realized going into work on beta day was a bad idea.

There were many individuals in my support groups who tried to further reassure me by sharing their success stories with lower betas or betas around the same level as mine but I couldn’t allow myself to hope anymore; the one constant I can always be sure of is Murphy’s Law so I started to build my defensives for the news I was sure we would get. Meanwhile R held on to the hope that everything would be okay.

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  1. Lesson learned

Cautiously Optimistic

We official started treatment on February 26th in which I was injecting 10 units of Lupron for 10 days. I didn’t initially have any side effects for the first few days until I was hit by a headache that resulted in my curling up into a fetal position and crying until I passed out. I can say that was not in the least fun and I have made a point to take Tylenol several hours before symptoms would start as it seemed that despite the fact my injections were are night, I would suffer side effects mid-afternoon, excluding waking up in the middle of the night drenched in sweat1. Eventually, I accumulated and my side effects were rare or not as painful.

March 8 marked the start of stimulations and the lowering of my dosage for Lupron to 5 units. All I can say is ouch. The insertion of the needle is not painful, not in the least. I think to some extent I’ve gotten used to it BUT the medication BURNS. I cannot even describe the pain, it’s something you’d have to experience to understand. Thankfully, Angela has gone through all of this before and informed me that it’s not the needle or the syringe, which is what I thought the issue was initially, but the medication and is often referred to in the IVF community as “stim burn”. Least to say, I have 6 days left and I cannot wait for it to be over.

Yesterday, I went in for my first blood draw to see how I was doing with the stimulations. I received a message from my practice mid-afternoon yesterday, lowering my issue dosage of Folllistim from 175 to 100, so I could only conclude that I was in fact responding better than expected. My hypothesis was confirmed today after an ultrasound with my doctor who stated my estrogen levels were 600 when they ideally want them around 200. I think this may explain the irrational hatred I had earlier this week after receiving an e-mail from my non-manager2.

The ultrasound also revealed several developing follicles, several around 9mm-11mm and a few hovering around 12mm-13mm which is high, given that generally they wait for eggs to be around 16mm. In addition, my endometrium is already at 7.8mm which is generally where they want the lining to be prior to transfer and I’m only 4 days into my stims. My doctor said everything looks very good and I have another blood draw tomorrow and then a follow up ultrasound and blood draw on Sunday. My doctor also informed me that he wouldn’t be surprised if egg retrieval happened a day earlier than the estimated date.

It’s a little surreal at how fast everything is progressing. I’m still trying to remain realistic and not be too optimistic because as I like to say “shit happens.” I’ve managed to stick to no caffeine or alcohol, though I do very much miss having my iced tea, but I know it’s something that has to be done and I am hoping my efforts aren’t in vain.

Overall, we are in a pretty good mindset. Unlike what R expected I haven’t had any emotional outbursts and I’ve been pretty even-tempered through it all, though the nurse he works with assures him that will change. We are not overly hopeful and are tempering our optimism until we can confirm successful conception. I guess time will tell.

  1. Yay, hot flashes!
  2. I refer to her as a non-manager because she is barely communicative.

The Road So Far

It’s be quite sometime since I’ve posted anything in relation to anything infertility related. A large part of that was due to putting treatments on hold in 2014 due to some life changes. 1, being that I resumed working full time, which wasn’t without it’s advantage, my insurance covers some costs for treatment, and 2, purchasing our second home to prevent R from having a 500 mile commute every week for work. Add school work on top of that and treatments were just not high on the priority list.

On January 27, we went back to my RE for a re-consult and he of course gave us our options.

  • IUI
  • IVF

None of this was a surprise as we’d discussed all of this when we first consulted with him but he did stress that based on our history and no pregnancies in nearly 9 years of not actively protecting ourselves, he felt that IVF would be the smartest course. Neither R or I could disagree and so here I am on day 14 of birth control as we try to regulate my cycle before I start injecting myself with hormones to overstimulate my ovaries in the helps we can get a few eggs to fertilize and make for a 5 day transfer. My medication is due to arrival on the 18th and we have injection training on the 23rd in which we will be handing over a check for $6,825 dollars. Yes, you read that right, but let me just reiterate it for good measure

$6,825.

We’re hoping that we are successful in our attempts the first round but I know that nothing is certain. While this is something we both really want, we have to be realistic as well.. even if that realism threatens to break my heart. For now, we will see where this road leads us and take one day at a time, which for anyone who is fighting the same battle, knows that’s extremely hard to do. This journey is not only financially stressful but it’s also physically, mentally, and emotionally exhausting. I am trying my hardest not to fall into the pit of angry which is so easy to do when it feels like the whole world’s against you, but I know that there is every possibility I will fall down that hole, and I’m just hoping that I’ll have the strength to climb back out.

I guess, as with all things, time will tell.