If you are logged in you have not been granted the necessary user rights to view this content. If you have any questions regarding your level of access, feel free to contact me.
My return to work, coupled with my new role as a mom has definitely impacted my ability or desire to blog on a regular basis. Other than family, my priority has been getting as much sleep as possible and I’ve been lucky that I have kids that make it easy to do so. Still, I think it’s high time that I get back on the bandwagon and reclaim some of the hobbies I’ve let collect dust as I adjusted to motherhood.
One of the options I am exploring is the possibility of changing domain names, though I am not sure to what. Of course I’ve had some reservations, namely because I’ve had this domain name for a while, but the idea of a fresh start, something new also appeals to me.
I’m also hoping to embark on something new that I’ve yet to disclose as I’m still working on refining the project and releasing it. If things go well, I am hoping that it will not only allow me to have more time for the sprats but also for the hobbies I’ve abandoned.
The sprats have been growing so quickly and while I adore seeing them learn and change, it also saddens me at how fast they’re growing. I feel like it cannot possibly be 9 months since I gave birth to them and yet here, we are. Tempe is crawling and exploring and Ty is not far behind her. It’s truly bittersweet and I’m sure not the last time in their lives that I’ll feel this way but it’s still depressing nonetheless.
Finding the balance between motherhood and the things I need personally has been challenging but it’s one that I hope to fully take on next year. As the kids grow, I find they’re not only a little more independent but also more interested in each other, and thus more easily entertained.
As the year draws to a close there’s a lot to think about but I am looking forward to the challenge of what the new year is sure to bring.
I’ve gone much longer between blogs than I’d like, but a large part of that is not having access to my MacBook. R has been using it for work so I don’t have the portability I once had and getting on my desktop with twin 3 month old babies is difficult to say the least. I’m hoping as they get older, I’ll have a little more availability and I know for certain R is looking into getting his own portable device but he wants to wait until he hears a little more about the changes to the MacBook Pro line so for now, it’ll be a hop on my desktop when I can.
The past few months have probably been the longest and the shortest in my life. Sleep deprivation has certainly gotten the best of me on several occasions but the smiles of my children make it worth it. It’s definitely been more challenging as they get older and more alert but also more rewarding. They are able to smile socially at us and Ty has even taken to laughing, but since their main communication is still crying, it can be a bit challenging to deal with. I am extremely thankful to have my mother-in-law here to help, however she is leaving at the end of the month so I’ll have to get comfortable with leaving one to cry while I deal with the other. It’s going to be hard but it’ll only be for a few months as the babies start to learn other ways to communicate.
I started work last Friday and after 9 months, it was certainly interesting being back. I am so behind on everything and it’s a little overwhelming trying to catch up. Thankfully, they’re giving me a few weeks to reacquaint myself and then hopefully, I can start looking at other positions within the company to determine if there’s anything else I’d rather do. I do know that being on the phone all the time is not something I can tolerate for much longer. I’ll do it because my kids need me to but I’d really like to get out of a customer facing role. I suppose time will tell.
In the meantime, my focus is on being a good mom, hopefully jumping back into some of my hobbies (though the lack of sleep may prevent that), and ensuring our marriage survives this first year. I’m hoping that my new schedule will help with that, since I’ll be working a split schedule which means I’ll have 4 hours during the day to focus on catching up on sleep and hopefully having a little time, however briefly, to do some of the things I enjoy. I’m not expecting much in that regard because I know I am going to need the sleep but perhaps once in a while when the kids have a good night, I’ll be able to accomplish that. Either way, time will tell and hopefully, it can only go up from here.
As much as I wanted to stay committed to 365 Days of Blogging, I recognized that with two newborns it just wasn’t feasible. My last post, while true, Community is an awesome show, was simply filler and that’s when I decided it was time to stop trying to force myself to blog every day. I feel better for it and now I can focus on my family at night without feeling rushed into having to post a blog. I went a full 2 months blogging every day; blogging with substance every day so I call that a win in my book. Maybe next year, I’ll be able to stick to my goal but for now blogging every day is no longer a priority.
Exclusively pumping has been going well. My supply has been increasing every day, though I have changed my schedule from pumping every 2 hours to every 3, which means I lose one of my pumps during the day. I am monitoring it to see if it impacts my supply and if it does then I’ll have to go back to 2 hours a day. I’m really hoping that won’t be the case. It has been so nice today to go 3 hours between pump times but we’ll have to see. It also allowed me to spend some time with R during the day, who was really missing me so I’m crossing my fingers that the change won’t impact my supply. It would do wonders for all of us I’m sure.
Speaking of wonders; I had a conversation with R the other day letting him know that he is going to have to be very understanding of my need to have my alone time, more so now than ever before. I not only have two babies that depend on me and need mommy but I also have a husband who’s always been very needy and clingy, and while that was fine when it was just the two of us, now, it’s really draining me emotionally and physically. I asked him not to be offended, just to understand that as an introvert, the way I recharge my batteries is by being by myself. I need the alone time to take care of me. I think he understood and if not, we can definitely discuss it further.
I’ve been thinking about life lately and I think I may end up going back into management. It’s not something I considered before, but given our present predicament, it’s something I have to consider for our family. I haven’t talked to R about it yet, namely because it’s just something I started to think about and also because I know he will consider it a personal failing on his part when it’s not. We are both equally responsible for providing for our family and as much as we both wanted to avoid the kids being raised by strangers, it’s a luxury we are no longer afforded so it’s time to put on the big girl panties, no matter how much it kills me to do it.
Maybe, I’m not such a terrible mom after all.